New STD taking its toll

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ATLANTA. The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new
virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted
through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea
Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many victims contracted it in
2004, after having been screwed for the past four years.

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: antisocial
personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones,
extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information,
pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept
responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado,
uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history,
tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior.
Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease
originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.