kerry now the democratic frontrunner.....lol
REPORTER EMBEDDED IN KERRY’S HAIR
New Sign of Frontrunner Status
In an indication that he is now the frontrunner in the Democratic race for President, Senator John Kerry (D-Mass) today revealed that he will be traveling the state of New Hampshire with a reporter embedded in his hair.
The reporter, Phillip Stabler of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, will have unprecedented access to the Senator’s campaign as he files reports from his unique posting deep inside Mr. Kerry’s luxuriant salt-and-pepper locks.
But even as he acknowledged Mr. Stabler’s presence on his head, Mr. Kerry denied that having a reporter traveling in his hair was a sign that he was the true frontrunner in the race.
“I am very much an underdog who happens to have a reporter embedded in his hair,” Mr. Kerry told an enthusiastic crowd of backers in New Hampshire.
Elsewhere in the state, former Vermont Governor Howard Dean gave his most ferocious speech today, vowing to supporters in Manchester, “Not only will I roll up my sleeves, I will roll up the sleeves of every man, woman and child in New Hampshire, whether they want me to roll up their sleeves or not!”
“Between now and primary day, I will punch my fist through every door, slash every tire, and kick every reporter in the balls!” Mr. Dean told the visibly frightened audience.
Mr. Dean was later subdued by firemen and other emergency personnel and taken into custody, where he was said to be sedated and resting comfortably.
Mr. Dean’s third-place finish in Iowa Monday night raised the eyebrows of all of the other candidates in the race, with the exception of Rep. Richard Gephardt (D-MO), who does not have eyebrows.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/