I'm very happy to have the opportunity to answer these tough questions when I'm asked them, because these are the kind of questions a good president should never have to put off for more important matters. What I mean to say is, that though I'm very busy being president again for the second time once more, as mandated overwhelmingly by the vote of the popular consensus, my agenda has not wavered from the one I previously did not have. And let me just say that it never will.
I have to tell you, Mr. Pisser, that many, many factors will go into my deciding to make a decision about these serious matters which I can't go into here, but I can tell you without hesitation it will be at that exact moment that God, Dick, Karl and the personal feeling deep in the most heartfelt part of my deepest heart tell me to. Not a seond after. Not a second before. But just precisely then.
And you've got to understand you know which God I mean. Because, you see, I mean the American God that made me President of these wonderful states we like to call American. The world and the American people need to understand that the will of God and the American people, as far as the American people and God and the world are concerned, has been spoken, and in these times such as these when such things like that are talked about, that's exactly what that means. Not more, not less, but precisely that, you see.
These Iranians and Koreanians must understand that our God is bigger and likes children more than their puny, possibly homosexual, God does, so we intend to put a stop to the whole hemispheric conditions of general evil-doing of these nucular regimes, especially the ones who do not want the freedom we're going to give them whether they like it or not.
And you see, it's these freedom-hating children whose futures would benefit enormously from their freedom which they'll be free to have after we've destroyed and rebuilt their countries, if they would only stop resisting it, you see, and begin to learn about learning in their tiny hearts and minds, and then it'll be much easier for them to capitalize on distributing their own resources to us so that they can have swimming pools and other essential tools for freedom and brighter futures.
You must understand, a swimming pool is a big deal to these kids, most of them have never even seen one.
God doesn't want anyone to have nucular weapons but us, you see, because it's not safe for our brave young soldiers to be fighting terrorism and bringing democracy everywhere when people are just going to keep attacking American freedoms, but he wants everyone to have a swimming pool. In other words, to put this in more simple terms, we can't be expected to continue fighting the unwinnable fight on terrorism unless these countries are going to show some willingness to be overtaken very soon.
You must understand, when you've never even seen a swimming pool, how else can you know how precious the freedom of having the ability to have one can be... for... or I should say of, and your children's children too. And their tiny hearts.
It gives me a special tingly feeling.
And this is my message today for the American people, and for the world.
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