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Pirate Parrot Swept Up In MPAA Net
Jackson Pratts, AFDNews

A parrot famous for poor hygiene was added to the Motion Picture Association of America’s (MPAA) latest group of movie swappers sued for copyright violations, according to a late announcement by the Hollywood trade organization.

The bird, a 75-year-old male named Colonel Rico Dupree, is owned by William "Doc" Bones, a retired circus performer living in Connecticut, and had been a featured part of many famous trick-bird acts in the 1930’s, '40’s and '50’s.

Reached at his home in Fairfield County, Dr. Bones was at a loss to explain how his parrot got caught up in the dragnet. "Sure, the Colonel can use a computer, he’s actually pretty good with one, so what? He generally hates movies, unless Errol Flynn is in them or they have boats. He watches Pirates of the Caribbean over and over, but we have that on tape. I think those Hollywood big-shots are all wet."

This is not just any parrot however, no matter how talented, but one with an extraordinary pedigree. According to the International Society of Insufferable Bird Snobs, Colonel Rico Dupree is a direct descendent of perhaps the most infamous parrot of all-time, Monsieur Plein DeMerde, best known as French pirate John Lafitte’s favorite shoulder companion and generally regarded as the foulest smelling avian in history. So inseparable were pirate and parrot that some aristocratic Ladies held hostage by Lafitte were said to complain in private the buccaneer was more affectionate to DeMerde than to them, and nearly impossible to stand next to. "Parrots become quite attached to their owners," said Winifred Softbothom, president of the Society, "They can live long lives. It’s not unheard of for the birds to be passed down to family members as grandparents and even parents die, but the transition is unfortunately not always successful. In this case," she brightened, "it has been proven satisfactorily that Colonel Dupree is third generation DeMerde. Billy Bones’ bird is plainly Plein DeMerde’s grandson. I mean honestly, all one has to do is sniff."

When asked if this present lawsuit and Monsieur DeMerde’s historical association with the notorious French pirate is evidence of any peculiar family affectations, Miss Softbothom conceded to a reporter that anything’s possible with parrots. "Unlike humans, and men especially, parrots are stable, loyal, and usually very bright. Breeders know this and choose behavioral traits accordingly, which are often passed down. It’s quite possible Colonel Dupree enjoys the attention of flaunting his expertise with computers, even flapping his feathers and making wind at authority, just like his seafaring ancestors."

That assessment didn’t sit too well with his owner however. "Nonsense," sputtered Dr. Bones. "The rudest thing this bird ever does is cybering chicks on Myspace."

Maybe so, but Ed Heard of the MPAA wants a closer look. "Before we toss this suit out we’re going to take a good long look at that bird, and I don’t care how stupid we come off to you pro-user zealots. If we even think this parrot is a copyright violator we’re clipping his wings but good."

This may not be the end of Rico however. Producers from Hollywood have quietly expressed interest in the parrot, considering him for several projects, in part because of his previous entertainment experience.

"Who knows," says his owner, "when the heat’s off a little maybe we can settle out of court for a few grand and work a movie deal. He usually turns up his beak at media bigwigs but I know the Colonel would swear off crackers for a shot at 'Pirate’s of the Caribbean 2'."